Thank You

 I've been going back and forth about this post for some time. I wasn't sure that it was fitting for the first entry, but Facebook memories made the decision for me,  this event in my life is the soul reason for this blog to exist. I've left out the names and I'm sorry but right now vivid details are a thing I use to make my therapist earn her fee. 

A year and a half ago I was in a bad place. I was married to a toxic man who verbally, emotionally, and financially abused me to the point of making me sick. I felt trapped. He had alienated me from most of the people who tried to get close to me,  minus a few friends who were strong enough to stick around, but he did try his best to get rid of them too. I couldn't afford to leave and every time I thought I was getting close to being able to go,  something would happen. I was scared to go home,  but scared to not be at home because he would destroy anything I held dear or would turn this attention to my children. I couldn't spend time with family or friends unless he was at work for fear of his retaliation. I had met a guy at a mutual friend's house, but we were just friends until one night at a Halloween party we connected. Eventually it became an affair that lasted about 7 months. I thought I felt something for this man. He made me feel safe and wanted. He didn't try to control me. I know now that I had attached myself to him out of desperation. I was desperate to escape the nightmare I was living and somehow had convinced myself that this man could save me.  Then in June he confessed that he wanted someone else and informed me that he never had feelings for me. I was crushed... well I thought I was anyway. Rejection is a cruel endeavor, but a necessary one for growth. I know now that I was delusional. I only saw what I wanted to see. Looking back I think I knew and just didn't want to admit it. Here we are a year later. I'm divorced, have my own house,  a great job, and I'm extremely happy. I have an amazing guy in my life who would and could give me the world if I asked him to, but I don't. He gives me the most important thing in the world, his time and my independence. I know who told everyone about you,  it wasn't my circle and she spilled it all in my divorce proceedings even though that is the first time she's ever seen my face in person, it doesn't matter. I'm only posting this for final closure. I want to thank you. Without the heartbreak I thought I was going through,  I wouldn't have known that I was strong enough to finally leave,  I wouldn't have known that I deserved better,  I wouldn't have known I could do it all on my own,  and I wouldn't have had the confidence to say yes to his invitation to dinner.... and I wouldn't be happy. I hope you are happy  and that your children are well,  I still think of them often.